We spend our lives tip-toeing carefully, just to arrive at our death safely

It's been so long. A whole month. So much has happened. So many new thoughts, feelings, events. For only a month. Imagine living an entire life.
Summer is closing in, and my opinion about it varies throughout everyday. Sometimes I don't want to because I don't want to go back and just work all summer, sometimes I do want to so I can spend time with the guys and my family again and party it up day in and day out, sometimes I honestly just don't care because neither leads to what I really want.
Yes, new thoughts and feelings enter and leave all the time, but I've learned that I can probably think about something in depth about 100 different things about 50 different times each in a given day, and that's probably when it's raining out. I think it's a part of the growing up process that a handsome, intelligent white male has to worry and think about every possible thing that would ever affect him in the next 50 years, no matter how miniscule.
You know that also sucks? Keeping feelings inside. Fuck. That. Noise.
I think this has happened within the last 30 days, but I changed my major to Finance. I didn't really change it, I didn't know what the heck I was gonna study before that, but yeah. Finance. Corporate Law, here I come.
I realized that making plans in your head are not the best thing. It's better to just let things happen. When you make plans, expectations occur. And when you have expectations, they get shot down by reality. When reality shoots down your hopes and dreams, you lose faith in not only the people around you but yourself as well. When you lose faith in yourself, you join the majority of people in this world that shouldn't classify themselves as this but do anyway because they believe they are:

Alone

But the problem (or lack there-of) is that we're not alone. I found it funny that I got this off an article about a teen murderer, but it's still good: "Most people think they're all alone, but someone's always there." Putting the source aside for a second, I think it really applies to everyone.
Sometime last week I went with Ariana to the Red Box by McDonald's to return a movie. These three guys asked for money for food, even if it was "just 35 cents or somein' like that." I made up an excuse to ignore them but she felt bad that we didn't do anything. I went back to the same place a couple days later and gave those guys 3 bucks and the rest of my fries. Like I expected, they didn't remember me as the same guy that ignored them. While I was there I heard the two other bums talking to one another. I don't speak Bum, but I did hear one say "Because we're all in this thing together." What? What is "this thing"? Life, I guess. I'm an idiot for letting a conversation between two hobos get to me.
Those guys probably forgot about me the second I left their sights but I don't think I'll ever forget that. And all I did was give money to a bum. What a memory, right?
But really, what I learned in Psych (besides where the penis goes if you want to have sex with a girl, follow me on Twitter if you're confused) is that it's important to assess our own situations with other people's when dealing with the people around us. Basically, it deals with that quote about everyone throwing their problems in a pit, and taking theirs back out as soon as they see everyone elses'.
Sometimes, when I get really bored, I'll look at the letters and pictures I have from people back home. I was flipping through all of them when I found a letter from my mom. I think they were asked by the university to make a letter (if not than I'm just a lucky kid), but it just dealt with following your goals (which it's important to not have any, as stated earlier) and all that middle school poopsavagery. Then she got to the point about confidence. "No one is going to have faith in you until you start having faith in yourself." It wasn't that powerful to me then but I'm beginning to see what she meant now.
I think that's another part about growing up. Identifying with adults and actually agreeing (for once) with their point of views. Each generation is different, but you can't get anywhere in this life without having a core sense of values.
I think I'm just going to put misc facts in the middle.
My aunt took me to Wal-Mart today to buy my groceries so I can eat for the final 3 weeks I'll be in Austin. For some reason, I told her that I liked watermelon, when actually I think it's just okay. Anyways, the end of the story leads to me having a large watermelon in my kitchen. If you're a huge fan, please stop by and eat some. Random but possibly helpful.
I found myself on like-a-little awhile ago. I don't really care who wrote it but it's nice to know that girls turn around and stare at your butt after you walk past them.
I'd recommend getting Netflix or stealing it from a friend, it's so worth it when the majority of your friends leave you during Easter break.
I don't really think I'll need to blog for awhile after this, mainly because I don't see anything worth telling to occur in the near future. I don't know if it's my last one, but I've actually really enjoyed the amount of people that have come up to me and told me that they read this. So.......I don't know.....stay true to yourself and to your friends. Develop a sense of morals and values based on the environment around you, and stick to them, no matter how beat down you get. Develop close friendships and relationships. Fall in love. Be kinder to people you don't even know than to people you do know. If someone tells you to have a nice day, tell them to have a better one. Laugh. Do something exciting everyday. Leave your mark on this place. Think outside the box and go outside your comfort zone. Say yes to everything. Live your life until you're old and you can sit back in a chair and say to yourself, "I did it" and then go live some more! Know that in all of this, no matter where you go or where life takes you, you're never alone.

If it's not you, I've learned to sing, "Evermore, rejoice!"

I had a dream a couple of nights ago. I've learned that that's one of the best starts to a good story. Unless it's Tony saying "So I was waist deep in this chick the other night, right?" Hahahaha.
Before I get into the dream, I guess I could start on some background of yours truly. When I was younger, like 8, my dad got me really into the good music, aka anything that comes out of the 90's. Matchbox 20, Goo Goo Dolls, Chili Peppers, The Wallflowers, along with the great one hit wonders: Eagle Eye Cherry, Semisonic, Del Amitri, Deep Blue Something, and a crapton of others that I can't think of but you can feel free to comment because I love to talk about music.
Anyway, he would always play it around the house or outside in the garage. I got really into it but one band that he really got me into was Third Eye Blind. Of course I heard all of the regular hits that everyone has heard, Semi-Charmed Life, Jumper, Never Let You Go (Slow Motion if it makes you think that you have some ground to stand on). But when I was about 11 or 12 I heard almost all of the first album they released and then some of the second album. It was good music to me, but 11 (or 12) is such a young age to grasp subliminal and abstract things like the meaning of lyrics and another nonsense. 
That being said, the rest of my core teenage years consisted of punk pop bands like Blink and Gob and other bands that I still really enjoy to this day. But one day when I was 17 (weird that I still remember this), I was driving in my car on the way to Phil's house and I heard Jumper on the radio. I thought, "Whatever happened to those guys?" and went on Itunes where I listened to the whole third album they had released 4 years before. Man did I miss out on that. Needless to say, I got really into them.

I want to go back

One day in senior year, my good buddy Jeff told me that 3eb was playing at his school for free. I peed and then told him that I'd make that 2 hour drive. Shit. What a great show. Senior summer, I got a few of my friends into 3eb and we've been jamming hardcore ever since.
It's one thing to hear a catchy song. Its another thing to hear a catchy song that you can actually relate too. Something like being in a completely sexual relationship and thinking that you've fallen in love with someone and having to come to the realization that you were just not meant to be with them. And then having to know that you'll have to be just friends with that person for the rest of your life, and the only thing you could ever do will be to either look back in regret or to look back and smile. I kind of just threw a few song meanings together right there, but you get the idea. 
One warm November night here in Austin, I went and saw 3eb again with a few friends. GREATEST SHOW OF MY LIFE. We ended up being about 10 feet from the actual stage, and I'm almost positive that I was the only person there that knew every song. When they started playing Semi-Charmed Life, Stephan (the lead singer) dove into the crowd, and than this happened

That's my hand he's holding. You can tell by the wristband. Simply incredible
I honest felt drunk, high, alive, or any other feeling that you could put into words.
So anyway, I had this dream that the band pulled up playing one of their songs in a convertible in one of the parking lots at my school. I had a talk with them and they were impressed by how hardcore of a fan I was. I woke up so bummed, but I thought it was cool that the dream felt so real. Honestly.
Now I've decided that I'm going to campaign for them so tour next summer, and to especially make a stop in Austin. My friends will be visiting next summer and if we could align the two events with each other, it would probably amount to the greatest night of my entire life. People in Austin are great but no one really has the same musical tastes as me here. Me and my friends back home listen to all of the same things.  It sucks when I'm front row at a show and they're up there in Michigan where concerts are expensive and rare. I want the two worlds to collide. The potential of this night next summer plays over and over and my head everyday.
Well that's the end of my blabbering about that.
Other misc facts:
On Monday, my psych teacher told each of us to describe ourselves in one word. Everyone else's was normal and, to tell you the truth, kind of boring. I was the last person, and I said "Above." She said "Above what?" and I said "Everyone else." Everyone thinks I'm a tool in that class now but I thought it was a pretty good joke.
Relating to that, I've been thinking more and more about my tattoo that I want on my chest. I thought up something like "Rise Above and Endure" or "Rise and Endure" or "Endure and Rise". You get the idea. I still don't know so feel free to comment about that one, too.
Most of you probably already know this, but I walked into the girl's bathroom yesterday. Yeah, I peed, blew my nose, and washed my hands, before I walked out and noticed that the men's bathroom was across from me. Such an "Oh, shit" moment. Luckily, there was no one near me. And yes, I realized that there were no urinals, but I thought it was just a poorly built bathroom, ok?
My phone stopped charging over the weekend and I had to get a new one today. The lady asked if I wanted my contacts transferred and I obviously said yes. But now, when I look at them, I realized that I don't talk to most of the numbers in my contacts. I totally regret transferring them. It's better to just start new and retrieve all of the numbers of the people that you actually talk to on a regular basis. I might just delete all of them and consider that. 
I also have put next semester's housing on the back burner. Now that I know that I'll be signing a 12 month lease for a place, I need to get back on the horse.
I also had a really crappy moment this weekend when I realized that all of the bad things I've done attain only to things that I'll have to make up for in the future. I'll get more into this next time, since I've managed to have written another novel for you. That's me in a nutshell.
I hate when people call me stupid. It's part of my superiority complex.
It's 3am, goodnight.

Isn't it messed up, how I'm just dying to be him?

I didn't even have to use my AK, I gotta say it was a good week. 
I'm beyond what anyone would call exausted. Port Aransas was fun besides the weather on Tuesday, SXSW was insane. We even saw the Strokes for free

Besides that, there were pretty cool houseshows around the city that friends threw. It sucks that everything went by so fast and that I have a crapload of homework tonight and tomorrow. 
I realized that with the schoolwork and monetary obligations and the pressures of keeping my grades up and having to find the perfect place to live next year and not being 21 for the next ten months and a bunch of other things that I don't even want to think about, life isn't going to be a cakewalk for a while.
On the brightside, I talked to an uncle of mine at a family gathering today, and he said that he could very well hook me up with an internship at a law firm in Austin for next summer. The experience and the few lines that it would add to my resume would be freakin amazing. Its going to be time consuming but I'm still pumped to finally fit in with the "its all about who you know" crowd.
I'm tired and I need to get homework done so there won't be any misc facts tonight. My bad.

Everything good, I'm white boy awesome

Finally getting out of here.
Austin is a fun time when it keeps you busy and all of your friends are still in town. But not when we're on break and mostly everyone has left town. If I was rich I would have gone home for the weekend for my buddy Mike's 21st birthday and been a witness to this:

Yeah, I wish that was him too.

But at least I get a week off of school. I took an managerial accounting exam on Thursday and I pretty much got my ass handed to me, just as the rest of the class did. 

I'm headed to Port Aransas with Hunter and Jacob tomorrow morning. My aunt was telling my to just take it easy, that she knew I was going to drink, but not get wasted. But honestly, all I really want to do is relax on the beach for a few days, tanning and sipping a Dr. Pepper. Nothing else.

Telling someone your real feelings isn't as easy as it looks to be in the movies and tv shows. Sometimes enduring how things are in the present may be easier or more important than jeopardizing the future. 

I mean, other than that one minor thing, life is good. This should be one of the best weeks of the year coming up, and I'll be home in less than two months (hopefully). 

I finally watched The Social Network. Pretty good movie. It wasn't as good as everyone said it was because thanks to those people that said it was like the second coming of Jesus, there was no way that it would measure up to my expectations (well, second coming of Jesus may not be the best of analogies, but I don't think people read this blog to find out my exclusive religious views. I don't want to get myself in trouble, anyway). But it was still an above average overally dramatized depiction of true events. 

I had this thought a long time ago, and I may have even blogged about it before, but I'm going to start writing scripts for this television show that I want to make about a large group of people that have been friends for a long time and their gatherings at a bar every Friday. I want there to be like parallel plot lines between characters, while at the same time, keeping it funny with random stories from my our (my friends and I) lives that I could easily incorporate into the show. Just like random stories and stuff. And every story could be filmed as a flashback that could be shot at a different location, like say, for example, someone who works in the daytime at a boring job but gets put into quirky situations that lead to stories that he can share with the group at the bar on Fridays. I have only a few ideas in my head at the moment that I don't want to share yet, but I wish that I would have the motivation to get started on this before I graduate, because this is where all of my free time is. This summer would be a golden time, too.

I think I just went through all of my misc. facts, so I'm going to shut up and let everyone have a great spring break. Or if it's already over, enjoy school.

So we were an accident, you'll always be my favorite one

I'm at the tail end of an long weekend full of friends and fun. I'm kind of brain dead and tired at the end of it all but I'm trying to be as coherent as possible at the moment.

Thursday and Friday were good times but Saturday was a crazy awesome mardi gras party with all of my favorite people.

I wish this night didn't end

The party was packed the whole night, and everyone that we wished would show up, actually did. It was a real growing experience, because it was one of the first parties in Austin I've been to where the point wasn't to make a fool of yourselves or "meet" as many people as possible. It was about being with people that you love to be around and just living in the moment. More people need to have nights like these. It would be so much nicer of a world to live in.
Hunter, Jacob and I went apartment hunting for a little bit. We didn't make much progress but we have a good idea of what we want. Hopefull things will work themselves out and we'll get the place we want for the price we want. Maybe we'll go big......

Yeah. I didn't think so either.

Well spring break begins on Friday, and today is technically Monday, so that means in only a week until we'll be in Port Aransas. Awesome.

I guess a good topic of discussion for tonight would be the opposite sex. And girls.

Its true what a lot of dumb people say. You can be yourself around someone you like, and yes, she will probably like you for being yourself and not haveta to go and make things so complicateddddd. Avril aside, sometimes there are things that are out of your control that might make the situation a little difficult.

One of the worst feelings a guy can go through is knowing that his role in a girl's life has already been predetermined by external factors that occured long before he ever had a say in the matter.

(For all of you really smart people: It sucks when she's had a boyfriend since way before you even met her)

I think its just the helplessness involved is what makes the situation the worst. If you had a chance and messed up along the way, that's on you. But knowing that there's nothing you could have ever done just....sucks.

I don't really know if I have the qualifications to be speaking on the matter. I just know that sometimes it irks me like it might some of you. I have a really funny picture of Tony that most people have already seen that I was going to use for comic relief. Guess that just went down the drain.

Misc facts...

My grandfather recently had a heart attack (he's okay), and it made me think about how our lives move so much quicker than we anticipate it to. Cherish everything.

I have two tests, two papers, and a letter to Congress standing in the way of me and spring break. If you ever need to find me this week, I'll be in the library.

My mother is about to send me a check so I can pay for spring break and such. I swear, as soon as I get that check I'm

• getting a clean haircut (to grow out for the summer)
• getting my Dashboard Confessional tickets (front row, or I'll throw kittens)
• eating at a restaurant other than Whataburger
• going to Target and buying cheap t-shirts and flannels

I'm really tired and there's no one left on facebook that I want to talk to. Like I said, find me in the library. It's going down.

For Lauren (the fog)

The clock just hit midnight.
It's March 2nd.
Exactly a year ago, an old co-worker of mine, but more importantly, a good friend, passed away.
Exactly a year ago, I cried more than I have since elementary school.
Exactly a year ago, part of innocence was robbed from many of us.
People come and go from our lives as we endure on through this fog. Some of them come back later on to reminisce the great times we had, and possibly make plans to cherish even better times to come. Some arrive unexpectedly, out of nowhere, it almost seems. These people tend to leave an impact on us, as they can sometimes disappear and appear again and again until we know for sure that they were meant to be standing next to us, holding our hand and leading us through the fog. And some people leave when its not their time. They let go of our hand grip before we are ready to let go, and we feel lost and unaware of the next step to take. Luckily, we remember these people and the words they taught us to keep enduring.
Endure. To sustain without impairment or yielding. It's easier than it looks on a computer screen. That's what Lauren has taught us, and it's what she would want us all to do.
"The rest of those who have gone before us cannot steady the unrest of those to follow."
-Finding Forrester
Oh, Lauren. We'll remember the great times that we were blessed with her beautiful smile, her happy mood, and her amazing talent of always being able to have fun. I know I will.
Lauren may or may not have been the first person close to us to have left us. However, she will most certainly not be the last. Through the endless fog, remember to hold on to everything: to your family, to your friends.....to yourself.
Remember Lauren.
And to endure.

Wiping before you poop

I feel like if I start the first blog of the month on the first day of the month, then I will be more prone to blog throughout the month and I'll get my blog views back up to where it was over the summer. Don't think I don't check that stuff. I have a rep to maintain.
More importantly, recent occurences and their aftermath have caused me to mature a little in the last couple of days, and I feel like this level of maturity is going to maintain itself for a good amount of time. I'm still going to be the obnoxious prick that you all make me out to be, but the choices that I make will have more thought put into them, and much less action.
Choices. The choices you make dictate what kind of life you lead. So make the right ones. A choice can turn the radio station from 88.7 to 99.5 (everyone back home gets this and knows that its GAY), but a choice can also land you a life in prison. I feel like I'm coming up short in preaching, but just do yourself and make the right one.
I seriously cannot wait to go apartment hunting this weekend. I've found some nice places for the 3 of us and I kind of just really want to not be in school at the same time.

Finally learned how to put up pictures. Here's a gem.
The human brain doesn't fully develop until you're 25, but I find it kind of funny that most of us are able to think so abstractly before our brains our fully formed. But I feel like most adults don't have some of the abstract thoughts that younger people do (ignorant). Our generation puts so much emphasis on the future that its almost excessive. We constantly worry about what classes we're taking NEXT semester, where we're living NEXT year, what we're going to be doing LATER in life. Sometimes I feel that some of the adults I talk to are just standing on the escaltor of life. Or some of them are caught looking back to the past too much. Nostalgic. That's no way to live a life.
Sleeping, too. I've been getting less and less sleep lately since that 14 hour abomination, and I'm kind of enjoying it. What's the point of life if you're told to try and be asleep for 1/3 of it?
I've been listening to Billie Holiday quite a bit lately. I recommend it. I kind of makes me want to slowdance with someone really slowly. When you're at least over the age of 70. I hope I never forget to do that.
I really hope that my mother oor any of her family see this, but I've decided that I really want a tattoo across my left pectoral. Right now, I want it to say "Never Forget", but in reverse so its legible in a mirror. The quote is just a prototpe right now, but if you want, comment on the facebook post for this with a good quote. I want it to be along the lines of "Never forget where you've been, but never look back." Maybe condensed a little or switched around, but holler at me if you have any ideas. I appreciate it. Or maybe "Remember how hard you've worked." I'm probably just talking nonsense right now.
I went into this post having a lot more to write down than I actually did.
Misc facts....
Some girl on the cheerleading team still has my Blink 182 poster and hasn't made any attempt to return it. I mean, come on now: you know you don't like Blink, and if you do, you're doing a really crappy job of hiding the fact that you do.
^I'm not racist.
^^Well.....
^^^A little.
GIVE IT BACK
I have a psych test tomorrow. I have 8 lines of notes regarding the material needed to be known for the test. This is where Bo Burnham comes in with the remark that I have less lines than Whitney Houston's coffee table.
I feel like I have more to talk about.
I'm going to make a another post.

The world is wide, the time goes by. The tour is over, I survived.

I need to hop back on this moving train of sharing my feelings with the rest of humanity (or just all 12 and a half of you that read this).
I hit that point in the road recently where school goes from bad to poopy. I'm not racist but I just want to say that Black History Month has not been the kindest to Evan. If anyone finds how any of that has everything to do with anything, you let me know.
The only social thing I have the pleasure of worrying about lately has been spring break. Unless the reservation to the hotel falls through, I'm going to the Gulf and enveloping myself in the adolescent ritual of consuming alcohol on a beach with thousands of other people. Talk about growing up.
What sucks and doesn't suck at the same time is that I won't be going home. Obviously, everyone will be in town to celebrate my best friend Mike's birthday during the first weekend, but I'm pretty sure I would have spent Sunday through Friday on my butt. Tsk tsk selfish Evan. Maybe this whole "being selfish" is a part of growing up too. Like I said before, most of us have about 7-10 years before our souls get crushed by the vacuous confines of the real world. I don't know how drowing in a sea of intoxicted youth will prevent my soul from getting crushed any sooner, but its got to be better than sitting on my computer, writing a blog that I can't even find a stylish background to compliment it with.
The Tom Petty quote about college that I saw has a line that recites "The work never ends, but college does." Nothing would please me more than to
1. Show Asher Roth this quote.
2. Say that its not true.
But sadly, tis true. I've been busy non-stop for the last two weeks, and spring break will be the next time that I'm not. Life doesn't hand out spring breaks. I was really hoping Obama would change that but he gave us health care instead. Beggers can't be choosers.
OH MY GOD I REMEMBER WHAT I WANTED TO SAY!
Alight listen, people. I'm not the dumbass I portray myself to be. I got straight A's throughout elementary and junior high, was National Honor Society President in high school and I haven't gotten less than an A in college in over a year. Yes I know! I'm bragging my ass off, but I am SO SICK of people thinking that I'm an idiot or just another "Bro." This lifestyle, the one that makes really crude jokes, makes fun of people in front of their faces, shouts incoherent swear words at people who don't deserve it (hahahahha): it's all my own choice. Some people may think its weird that I choose to bend the two lives into one, but WHAT'S THE POINT OF LIFE IF YOU CAN'T ENJOY EVERY ASPECT OF IT?
I'm not trying to sound angry, but its just something that's irked me since like, fifth grade.
I think its time that I post this sucker to facebook so that a bumch of random people will read it, so if you made it this far......it probably means that you don't have ADD. Probs to you.
Misc facts.....
I just want to apologize to friends back home about the spring break issue. I'll see you guys in May where we can continue our stupid antics.
My first name really isn't Evander. But its something I might want to name a child.
Today my accounting teacher said "Since we're in the two o'clock class..." but she said it fast so I thought she said "Since we're in the Ku Klux Klan..." and I kinda freaked for a second and thought I went to the wrong class again.
The same teacher said "I thought it was going to be bigger than it actually was." I said "That's what she said" and the kid in front of me looked back in a creepy way and nodded. Business majors are weird.
I slept for 14 hours Tuesday night and woke up still tired.
I'm tired with this post....
Goodnight.

Make sure I know who's taking you home.

Back after who knows how long. What is with this cold weather? Is this not Texas? Is this not why I found moving here from Michigan worthwhile? I think its going to warm up so I can actually go outside and not cry the whole time.
So what's new? I'd talk about how dumb school is and how intoxicated I get every weekend, but I've realized that if you were to write about your life, I would just get bored, so I'm going to spare you the precious seconds I'm wasting from your life.
That's one thing I've noticed lately. I feel like a person can only be in your life for so long until one just becomes bored of the other. I hate to be the Debbie Downer in your life but I'm just talking truth, like Ke$ha. I honestly feel like if I lived at home, I'd get really depressed from it after about 6 months. I'm positive that moving 1500 miles away was the best thing that could have happened. It makes coming home so much sweeter than it is for most people.
Plus all of the girls are down here anyway.
I wonder what that means about me marrying someone, someday. Am I just gonna call it quits after 5 years? Scary scary thoughts.
I feel like this year, everyone should step outside their comfort zone and do something ridiculously un-(insert your name)-like. I'm going to the UP this summer to check out this haunted lighthouse with my friends. But you have to remember that my face is next to "wimp" in the dictionary, so its totally legit. I also think I might try hard liquor more. My stomach is about as weak as me, I feel like if something's gonna get stronger, it won't be my muscles.
You're an idiot if you didn't think that last one was a joke. Name the last successful person you knew who made it a resolution to drink more. Butt cake.
In my dilemmas class the other day, we were talking about economic happiness. Some girl's powerpoint told us that if you get married and graduate high school, you'll be economically stable. Do I look stupid? Unless you're a certified gold digger, you're not gonna marry just so it keeps you off the streets, you marry someone because you're in love with them and you don't want to wake up next to a different person for as long as you live. And as for worrying about your income....you're only going to receive what you put into this life. If you don't want to make money, don't go to school. Is it really that hard to understand?
From what I've heard, your soul gets crushed around the age of 29 or 30 by an entity known as "the real world." That means anyone who really even reads this has a good 8-10 years before its "bye bye social life." And this is when we transition back to the whole "outside you're comfort zone" thing. Hell, live it up. Am I ashamed that I drunkenly pledged to a frat and don't remember anything about it? Not really (that's kinda cool, actually). But am I going to tell my grandchildren about it when they hit preschool? You bet your sweet ass I am.
Well that's enough blabbering and useless thinking I have tonight. At this pace, you can expect me back when I'm legal. Lemme hear you say "Drunk blog"!!!

Doesn't matter if your glass is half full or half empty. Be thankful you have water.

Sorry I haven't been around. Its been hell lately and will continue to be for a while. As of right now I have a pretty relaxing weekend coming up so hopefully you'll here from me then.

And you never would have thought in the end, how amazing it feels just to live again.

Sooner than expected. It was a pretty good weekend to start off the year. Friday I hung out with some good friends and realized that some board games can actually be much better if females happen to go out to get something to eat. And Saturday was doing what I do best in Austin. That's as far as I'm going to go. But the weekend to come has some high expectations.
Speaking of high expectations, I've been thinking a lot about this life lately. I went through a pretty rough patch last year where I just saw everything in life as a failed expectation of everything else. I don't think I've really said this to anyone, but I have this strange superiority complex that makes me think I need to be the most well known, have the most friends, get the best paying job, etc. if I ever want to have a chance at being happy. I use to think that everyone had this problem, as I passed other people who I thought I was "better" than and wondered to myself if they were happy with the lives they were living. A while ago I thought about everything and realized that things like these stupid pop songs about the fake everlasting love, those television shows that depict the unbelievable college experience where every single day seems to be awesome enough to be documented on a tv screen, the magazines that depict how people should "really" look, those "once in a lifetime" parties that you always wish you could go back to but realize that its behind you forever.....those are what's to blame for all of this. They bludgeon people with false hopes that their lives are going to be so much better than they are presently. And the only way to see past these things and to live your OWN life is some kind of pre-midlife crisis where you come to the realization that you're only going to get out of this life what you put into it. Others know it as "growing up." I call it "college."
Luckily that stuff is all behind me but I just thought it'd be nice to post remembrance of such times. Like I said, I have a a great weekend coming up, after a "I don't really know what to expect" week of school that's also coming up. Mostly checking to see if my phone will ever go off.

Changing

So its been pretty much a whole month. Sorry about that. Um...its late and I'm tired, but I'm waiting for my iPod to charge so I'm just gonna chill here for a bit.
Home was really fun. Christmas, New Years, and Evanfest were fun times that I'll remember for as long as I go on. I already miss my buds but the first couple of days of Austin have been fun, and its been good to see everyone again.
I've only had one day of school so far but I can already tell that its going to be a busy semester. I'm not going to be on the computer much but at least I'm giving you warning before I go off and live my life without others reading about it.
Back home I started writing a much more personal blog that no on else will ever read. I'm probably going to keep writing in it until I'm around 30 or so and then read it when I'm 60 or so and laugh about what a young guppie I was back in the day.

People are starting to worry about me again. About my personal health and my workload in school and my moods and how they all somehow tie in together. I don't mind the fact that others carry about my well being, but sometimes I wish that people would just have faith in me instead. I know what I'm doing. If you think I lost weight and you're about to tell me how thin I look, remember that I worked my ass off last semester with school and that some aspects of a persons life tend to affect other parts, as well. I can only be so many people at one time. I can't be expected to go for a 4.0 and be able to work out as much as I did freshman year. I'm taking 18 hours this semester and that's only made what people say to me even worse. I wish that I could just say it was just my family but its been a lot others, too. I just want everyone know that I'm gonna ok. And if I won't be, so be it.

I'm gonna start working out again on a regular basis starting tomorrow morning, and then I'm going to find out a decent way to balance all of this classwork out.
Just have some faith in me.

Ohhh baby, I'm tearing up this town.

For some reason, everytime I open my computer now (2-3 times a day) I'll look to see the amount of views my blog has but I never write anything. Well break has been good to me, unlike the majority of everyone else. Sorry that I love not having school.
But that's not really it, and you know it. Its been good to see the guys and everyone else again. I'm not used to the cold because I haven't been this cold since last winter break. To prove it, I'm wearing two jackets right meow and I'm in my heated house. And my car has been acting up the last couple of days and it makes me feel like I'm back at school when I have to ask to bum rides off people.
I got my job back at that baby store across town again. My boss said she could have me trained as a cashier and that it would let me work up to 40 hours a week. I think if this works out, I won't have/need to stay in Texas over the summer. At this point, I'm perfectly fine with that. A lot of people have been complaining about living with their parents lately, and I'm not saying that mine are saints, but being around my friends so much seems to cancel everything out.
On Friday, our entire group returned home and we celebrated our first Blackout Friday. It was definitely a dude fest, but we planned it that way because we deserve to act like fools after finally being reunited. I took a lot of memorable pictures that I don't remember, but my adaptor cord is in Texas so I guess I'll just take a poopload of pictures over break and upload the best/appropriate ones when I get back to school.
A quick week has already gone by, but luckily I have four more left, and there's plenty more to look forward too: Christmas (mainly just getting free stuff part), New Years, Winter Jousting, Evanfest 2011 (at Grand Valley State), my birthday. Its going to be a fun time and I'm already feeling sorry for the future me who has to go back and take an 18 hour semester. Fun shit.

I will see you there or I will see you another time!

The semester is over. I am a good combination of really excited, happy, ecstatic, and a little sad. The only reason that I'm sad is because I won't be in Austin for the next 5 weeks, but lucky for me, I'll get to be home with my best friends! We already have a lot of stuff planned, and it should be better than last Christmas break, and that's really saying something.
This has easily been the best semester so far in Austin. I've partied the hardest than I ever have, and I'm going to get a 4.0 even though I've had the toughest classes that I've ever had. And all of that happened without me having a car. Luckily, the part about the car changes in January.
I've also learned a lot of stuff outside of school here, but I think I covered that in the last post.
I've also met a lot more people that go to this school. Obviously I've met some freshman, but I think its also cool to meet more people that are in your grade or older. Frisbee, for example. There were a lot of seniors this year, and one, Alex, is graduating and moving back to Oregon. It was kind of weird saying goodbye...all that you can really force out of yourself is a "Good luck." But fortunately, that's life and it happens to everyone.
Thankfully, January is a whole new semester and there are going to be a ton of new people to meet, especially in my classes. However, I think its cool having the same core group in all of your classes.
I've also already started looking ahead to junior year. I've talked to a few kids here, and we're all looking to get a house for that school year. I honestly don't want to have a place where we throw a party every other weekend, but if we can throw one or two a semester, and its the kind of party that people can look back on because it exemplified their four years of college, that will be good enough for me.
Because I think that's what we're all put here for: to leave our mark on something. My only goal for these three and a half years here is to be able to come back here when I'm 35, see a building or something like that, smile, and think "That was me....I did that." I really don't know what the sight I'm looking at will be, but I'm sure I'll figure it all out one day.
But now, its time to celebrate the fact that I have no worries for the next 5 weeks (except for coming up with beer money somehow) and then to recover in time to be up by 8am tomorrow morning. I think I said this when I left home so I'll say it again: catch you on the flip side!

I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself.

Things are really looking up.
Earlier today, I just completed my last class of the semester. All I have is two more regular exams left and one final, and then its time to head home.
I've been thinking about it, and I'm pretty sure I can say that this has been the best semester yet. All I've really been doing is going out at night or doing well in school. That's a pretty wet combo.
I've learned a lot too. About myself, and about people in general. Whenever I think about things that I've done before, I thought about how much I've grown since that particular time. While just sitting here and thinking, I made a list about the changes and realizations that have happened in the past few months.
I'll never like hard liquor. Ever. Hahaha.
When I was younger, my dad told me about my grandfather's ability to treat someone one way and completely think the opposite about them. (Un?)Fortunately, I'm pretty sure that I've inherited this same trait. Over and over again, I feel like I've been treating people as if I was their best friend, and honestly thinking that they were full of shit. A lot of people might say that its important to be honest and upfront with poeple, but at the same time, I enjoy staying on good terms with everyone I know. I didn't ever want it to be a priority for everyone I know to like me or to have as many friends as possible, but I believe that all of us were brought up that way.
Also, I went to my American Experience instructor's office to talk about my socializtion paper, which has something to do with the way you were raised and how you adapted to that.....I'm not really sure, I haven't even started and the paper's due tomorrow. But anyway, the discussion was really interesting because we talked mainly about my mom. My mom always raised me to be one of those validictorians that stand up at the top of the graduation class, get a full ride to a division 1 school, get a great job, and live a better life than what I was living at the time. I slacked off a lot in high school, but not enough to keep my grades completely down. I was still National Honor Society president, got a pretty good scholarship to a small school, etc. But I haven't really had a realization to have a better life than I have until I got to college. Nowadays, school is the top priority, and when I'm not doing that, I go out at nights and try to meet as many people as possible, and just have a great time.
Its all as if I'm living my life the way it was meant to be.
That's all I really got for now....but I feel like some things are going to happen between now and the time I go home next Friday. At this point, I'm about as clueless as you might be, but things have been having a tendency to work in my favor lately, so I'll just rely on that.

Have faith in me.

Well, that's the last time I ever write a blog when I'm drunk. And not only drunk, but that "downward spiral" that girls have whenever they get too drunk and can't find their friends.
Like I said, it was a fantastic weekend. Concerts, parties, and friends, the whole time was a joyride. Now that I'm in the right state of mind, I think its safe to say that I really enjoyed spending the weekend with an assortment of differrent people. It keeps things....interesting.
I really don't know why I think having my other half at this point in time would be so vital to me. I'm 19 and I have so much more life to live its ridiculous. You're ridiculous.
So, if you haven't heard from me or looked at my facebook yet, I WAS 2 FEET AWAY FROM MAX BEMIS FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF! It was totally awesome, I pushed my way to the front and got a drumstick, a shoe, a guitar pick, held hands with Max, got sweat on by Max, and sang a whole chorus of a song when Max pointed the microphone at me. Legit.
The next day I got a free ticket and ride to go see A Day to Remember, courtesy of Garret and Julia. Luckily, I had just heard their new album 3 days before. Unluckily, they only played two songs off of it. Still a great show, though. I couldn't think of anyone better (or safer) to mosh with than Garret.
Other than that, I went to San Marcos for some epic pong action, went to West Campus and had one of the most complete nights of college since I could remember, and went from having nothing to do on the first day of break to going out and having another great night. Nice 5 day weekend, if you ask me.
Also, I'm glad I mentioned last time that I was going home in 2 and a half weeks, because I'm SO PUMPED! Time has flown by for all of us, its going to be the greatest break ever. If you're in Michigan on New Year's or during the 7th to the 9th of January, let me know because I definitely have some plans for you.
Sorry about the recollections but that's all I got tonight. Happy Thanksgiving. And go Michigan State!

Be the greatest man in the world.

For starters, don't get me wrong, I've had one of the greatest weekends of my entire life, I've seen 4 of my favorite bands up close and personal in the last two days including grabbing a drumstick, a shoe, and a guitar pick, I've been to 3 legit parties and one that pretty much changed the way I view college as a whole, thanks to how we went from not having a party to go to, to one of the best parties that any of us have ever been to.
Even Jacob acknowledged that this has been one of the greatest weekends of my life. I'm going to go home in a couple weeks, finally getting to see my best friends who I was supposed to skype tonight. God, I love them.
But I'm still not happy. "He hates his life when he's sober" (I still remember that, Jacob). I still feel like there's a key part missing that I can't erase. And it's easier to explain if you can imagine this:
Every aspect of this weekend that has made it so awesome, it has been with a different group of people, except Jacob has been with me 2 of the 5 nights, he is the only exception.
I feel like I still need to find that one person to share with every moment of true happiness I endure. Without it, I'll feel the same way that I do now. And that just won't do.
I hope you understand what I'm getting at. Believe it or not, I am horribly intoxicated at the moment, and its best I go to sleep. Happy Thanksgiving!

A phone, 50 cents, and I'm building up my confidence

I'm running on 11 hours of sleep for the entire weekend but I just wanted to say that I just stood front row at one of the greatest concerts of my life. More on all of this another day.

Met her at a party and I took her home, she is the saddest girl that I have ever known.

So I wasn't back as quickly as I had hoped to be.....I was planning to blog on Saturday night but we decided to go to a party at the last second, and it was actually one of the better nights I've had this semester. I thoroughly enjoyed every aspect of the night. And I just want to throw out there that I think its pretty cool that Jacob is single. I think if I go any farther than that people will think less of us. Maybe just me. I don't know.
Anyway, last Thursday, we walked down South Congress because it was the first Thursday of the month, and I have to say that it might have been the best sober night I had since I was home. I don't know if that's the characteristic of an alcoholic. I don't think so. But I'd be lying if I said that it doesn't worry me. Haha.
Speaking of home (I think I did this with the last blog), over the summer, Mike showed me postsecret.com. Its site where people mail in postcards with their secrets written on them, and its all anonymous. I hadn't really looked at it until I got to Austin and I have those weeknights when I'm up thinking til 4am. Anyway, a lot of the secrets are pretty bearable, like missing someone really bad if they're overseas, or wishing to get back together with an old flame. But some of the things these people are hiding are just incredible. There were a couple about one spouse having an affair with someone who was extremely close to the other spouse, or thoughts about one's own depression or the depression of someone close to them, or even things like being afraid to come out because the person was afraid that men wouldn't find him attractive. As messed up as a lot of it is, sometimes reading all of these things helps me realize that I'm not the only one who knows how messed up our lives can get.
Hah. Mike WOULD be the one to introduce that to me.
Also. I did my advising appointment yesterday, and I took a good look at my preferable classes that I will be taking next semester. THIS IS GOING TO SUCK. I'm basically taking the next level of every class that I'm taking now. Its going to be as hard, if not harder than it is right now. Put it this way...if things go my way, I have to take a three hour class on Monday nights. That is some booty (black terminology for bullshit) right there.
Hold up. Jacob just walked in and farted for 5 straight seconds, not even kidding. Gotta open a window.
Ok. Well when it is tomorrow at 10:30 in the morning, I will be exactly one month away from being on a flight to a small town full of over priviliged white people that I like to call "home." I have lots of more reasons to be looking up than down. We'll see how long I can keep it up.

She doesn't care a thing about that hair, she thinks I'm beautiful

Happy November. We're currently 3 days in and I already look pretty sloppy, minus that bald spot directly below my chin. My mom said that if I keep brushing that spot with a toothbrush, stuff would finally start growing there, but that plan has been failing since the beginning of summer.
Speaking of summer, it reminds me of home, and I got my flight for Christmas break! Its going to be on December 10th, which is a Friday, which will from now on be declared Blackout Friday.
Halloween weekend was just what I needed. It was literally the first time in months that something turned out as good as I wanted it to be. No failed expectations. No worrying. No cares. Just living.
School still kicks me ass, in case you were wondering. I'm working my butt off just to stay on the Dean's List. If any other semester in my life is as hard as this one has been, call me an education major.
That's one thing that saddens me. A lot of my friends back home thought that I should be a preschool or kindergarten teacher, mainly because I'm pretty good with kids that age. And to tell you the truth, that would be a pretty awesome job. I can gurantee that my class would be fingerpainting all day, everyday.
But sadly, the pay for those kinds of jobs is near nothing. So is the chance of finding one. I was at this sketchy job interview/seminar last week, and the lady who was in control of it all said that she paid $25,000 for college, and the same exact amount was her salary her first year at her teaching job. That's dumb.
Recently, Jacob and I had a talk that sucked at the time but proved to be beneficial to the both of us. Later, he showed me the "Wear Sunscreen" speech from the 1990's. Tony told me about it once during the summer, but I neglected to read it because I didn't need it at the time (at least, I didn't think so). Hearing it for the first time was pretty cool. One piece of advice that really got to me was "Do something everyday that scares you." I actually thought about it and I think doing this would really work. For me, I feel lately like I've been hiding a lot of things from different people, and I'm scared to talk about them, because I feel like if I don't, everyone else will stay happy. Thus, saying these things scare me. Being more honest and upfront with people might vindicate me a little.
I don't have class on Friday, and I don't plan on having that much of a raging weekend, so you can expect me back soon. Talk to you lata.