And it hasn't even been that long of a wait. Well, life has gotten significantly better since the last post, after a really long drop. Stay tuned for more!
(Infomercial break)
And....we're back. Alright. So, Friday arrived and went and nothing too bad happened. A small get-together was taken held at a friend's apartment, and a not-too-shabby night was had.
Then came Saturday. If depressing stuff makes you vomit, go back to Facebook now.
It started when Jacob and I we're on our way to the Huddle. We locked the door to our apartment, and walked about 10 feet down when a neighbor 3 doors down (an ok band), who happened to be an above average looking girl, looked at me and said "Hi." Now I don't even know this girl, but I returned with the bitchiest sounding "hi" one has ever heard. After this horrifying exchange, Jacob said that the way I said "Hi" made me sound uninterested....which is weird because I'd like to think that I enjoy meeting new people. Anyway, later on we heard about a fire drill in a dorm when a few of our friends reside. Jacob said I should text them to see if they were alright, but I replied with a friendly "No, because I don't really care."
At this point, Jacob stopped me and said, "It seems like you don't give a fuck about anything anymore. Like last year, you cared about everything and now, you've changed."
At this point I'm freaked out right? I mean, who wouldn't be?
Later on that night, Jordan seemed to hint that he wanted me to talk to Jacob about helping out more around the apartment, and whatever he was trying to say, I pretty much threw it right back at his face, telling him that I didn't want anymore drama in my life than there already was.
Sunday, I felt bad about everything that I had done and about the "fucks" that I didn't give, but my bad mood continued.
Emotional Deterioration.
Then a wise friend called me, and told me about variables. If you know me, you know that I've gotten my nut off talking about this for the past two days, but it really makes sense if you listen. Throughout our lives, everyday, there are variables that add up to the end result that you get at the conclusion of every day. If you are unhappy with you're end result, you change your variables. It sounds simple, but I think that the reason I had become so upset is that last year, I went through a steady routine every week (you don't need to know the details. If it bothers you, ask me). Going into this year, I was excited about the possibility of my routine being different than it was the previous year. Well, it had been a month already, and no change was in sight. But ever since that phone call with my friend, I feel like the power of change is in me, and nothing is going to happen unless I work for the change.
People get up out of bed everyday, and say they're going to change their lives, and they do nothing (with the exception of Dave, he's gonna do something). You know why? Because "hoping" something and "doing" something are two different things (call me crazy). Hoping that she'll facebook chat you will have you staring at the computer screen for hours and hours at night and leave you tired and lonely. Realizing there are many other special people you will interact with in this life, going out into the real world, meeting someone new, falling in love, getting married, starting a family, watching your kids grow, retiring before your 65, watching your grandchildren grow, and sitting back in a chair, taking a big sigh, and saying "You did it, Ev." is DOING something.
Whew. I'm at a loss of breath now. I'm sorry about the whole autobiographical nonsense in the beginning, but I hope you see the connection.
Hoping that my old routine would change going into this year got me, quite possible, the closest to depression that I will hopefully ever be.
Now its time to go do something about it.
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