I am alive. 5 exams, a roots paper, a full day of officiating sports, and a presentation later, I am still standing. Except, right now I'm sitting, but I'm still breathing.
So the whole week(end) went by just as expected....I studied and studied and typed and typed and even had to go without Jacob for a few days. Its been an eventful 8 days but I'm glad its over, and its great to return to my normal, less responsible life.
Tomorrow I am going to see Paranormal Activity 2. Its the first time I'll be seeing a movie since August, when I was still home. I told myself I wouldn't get as bad as last year, but I find myself yearning for Michigan everyday (even the cold weather(sometimes)). But then again, the semester is more than halfway over, and going by quicker than any semester I can ever remember (college or high school), and I think I'll be on that plane ride back sooner than later.
Besides that, not much is going on. Well.....
I talked to Jacob today and he said he was seriously considering transferring to his girlfriend's school in California. I think, for the most part, I talked him out of it a little bit (thankfully, he doesn't read this) but I do think he has good reasons in doing so. I need to act fast in order to make a few things better than what they are right now. That starts with this coming weekend (Jacob's birthday), which is looking pretty good as of right now. Let's hope it stays that way.
Lately I've been thinking about how my life would be if certain things didn't come into play. Get this:
In April of 2009, one of the last months of my senior year of high school, I was ENROLLED at Michigan State. I had a roomate, a dorm, the works. Then one day in April, I got a letter from St. Ed's telling me how much scholarship money they were handing over to me. It was an offer I couldn't afford to not take.
Sometimes, on boring nights like tonight, usually, I think about just how different things woud have been if I had been able to stay in the state. I wouldn't be leaving anyone (its less than a two hour drive from home), its a huge school so there would always be someone to hang out with or talk to, and I would probably never be bored.
But when I think of that, I also think that a higher power might have interfered, because a lot of good things happened, as well. My friends and I found that leaving each other sucks, but it makes coming home so much better. I also learned a ton over last year, with adversity and the importance of friendship. I also met a lot of cool people! Maybe there's even someone special down here ;)
But I do enjoy the fact that my Texas life and my Michigan life are completely different. It seems that just when I start to tire of one life, its already time to head over to the other one.
Speaking of......I don't really know. I'm tired and really want to do laundry before I go to bed (relatively early). Hopefully I will be back before the weekend.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Saturday, October 9, 2010
I've been waiting for this moment all my life, but it's not quite right
Funny how this is the middle of a very busy day for me, but its been a very long time, and it looks like I have about 2 and a half hours to spare until my next event.
Well shoot, a lot has happened since last time. My friend Phil and his girlfriend Megan broke up after over 3 years! And the next day, Mike and his boo Amanda broke up. Naturally, being 1500 miles away, I wondered what the heck was going on back home. Turns out, people just realize what is working in their life, and what's not. And the things that are not working are the things that need fixing.
Also, I think Dave had quite the good night last night, because he is now TAKEN.
Things are going to be a bit different when I come home Christmas time. I feel like everyone will actually be on (roughly) the same schedule, just like last year, and its going to be be a very memorable 5 weeks for me.
However, thinking that far ahead might be the very death of me. Ranging from Monday to next Monday, I have 5 exams and a roots paper. The sooner October is over, the better.
Going back to earlier about what I said concerning the things that are working in a person's life and the things that aren't, I'm reminded of 500 Days of Summer. The whole time, it seemed that Tom was focusing too much on what was good in his relationship with Summer. This isn't a bad thing to do at all, but I think that too much of this will start to bring you down.
I feel like I have had a few too many of these relationships with people lately, focusing so much on the good that it blinds you to the fact that things would just never work. Well, that needs work.
I have quite the busy weekend/week coming up, so don't expect me back for a while. At least I'm being honest.
Well shoot, a lot has happened since last time. My friend Phil and his girlfriend Megan broke up after over 3 years! And the next day, Mike and his boo Amanda broke up. Naturally, being 1500 miles away, I wondered what the heck was going on back home. Turns out, people just realize what is working in their life, and what's not. And the things that are not working are the things that need fixing.
Also, I think Dave had quite the good night last night, because he is now TAKEN.
Things are going to be a bit different when I come home Christmas time. I feel like everyone will actually be on (roughly) the same schedule, just like last year, and its going to be be a very memorable 5 weeks for me.
However, thinking that far ahead might be the very death of me. Ranging from Monday to next Monday, I have 5 exams and a roots paper. The sooner October is over, the better.
Going back to earlier about what I said concerning the things that are working in a person's life and the things that aren't, I'm reminded of 500 Days of Summer. The whole time, it seemed that Tom was focusing too much on what was good in his relationship with Summer. This isn't a bad thing to do at all, but I think that too much of this will start to bring you down.
I feel like I have had a few too many of these relationships with people lately, focusing so much on the good that it blinds you to the fact that things would just never work. Well, that needs work.
I have quite the busy weekend/week coming up, so don't expect me back for a while. At least I'm being honest.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
You Were Surely Still an Actress All the Men Would Find Attractive
Hahaha. Alright, well I didn't really have an epiphany. I really just took a drunk walk through downtown Austin. Obviously, when one does that, their mind is going to be racing.
Um, other than that, not much has happened.
That's an understatement. Things have been...notable. I will do myself a favor and not talk about Thursday night. I was in the wrong place at the wrong, and I will not hinder myself from doing anything similar. And that's all I have to say about that.
I do enjoy the link I put up, though. I feel like I have a good taste in music. And so does Matt Nathanson. He is my new study buddy.
Shoot, my life is boring. There is nothing to talk about.
I got a haircut yesterday. I don't see myself growing it out anytime soon. And "anytime soon" would probably mean until I can't grow it long anymore. Ugh.
Oh. Tomorrow is the first game of our volleyball season. We're looking to repeat our title run. Exciting, right?
And I have to referee the whole day. First football, then volleyball, and then our game. I'm going to be drained.
Son of a gun, there is NOTHING to talk about.
Speaking of that. I feel like lately I've been having a lot of those "wish I would have said something more" moments. Even though these have been pissing me off more than anything. But on the bright side, this means that I have put that one awful weekend behind me. The one where I didn't care about anything. Yeah, that one.
I've noticed that over the course of this week, I have been missing home more than I usually do. I also thought about just how different my home life and my college life are. At home, just being with my friends and doing whatever makes me feel content with everything. Here, I feel like if I'm not at a party or downtown, I'm not having fun. But I mean, its whatever. How you see your life is the way that it actually is. No one except yourself can tell you how happy you are.
So yeah. Its whatever. Like I've mentioned before, I think school just brings me down to a crappy level because it kicks my ass so much. Here's to waiting until December 9th.
Alright. I'm going to go put on a movie or something. Byeeeee.
Um, other than that, not much has happened.
That's an understatement. Things have been...notable. I will do myself a favor and not talk about Thursday night. I was in the wrong place at the wrong, and I will not hinder myself from doing anything similar. And that's all I have to say about that.
I do enjoy the link I put up, though. I feel like I have a good taste in music. And so does Matt Nathanson. He is my new study buddy.
Shoot, my life is boring. There is nothing to talk about.
I got a haircut yesterday. I don't see myself growing it out anytime soon. And "anytime soon" would probably mean until I can't grow it long anymore. Ugh.
Oh. Tomorrow is the first game of our volleyball season. We're looking to repeat our title run. Exciting, right?
And I have to referee the whole day. First football, then volleyball, and then our game. I'm going to be drained.
Son of a gun, there is NOTHING to talk about.
Speaking of that. I feel like lately I've been having a lot of those "wish I would have said something more" moments. Even though these have been pissing me off more than anything. But on the bright side, this means that I have put that one awful weekend behind me. The one where I didn't care about anything. Yeah, that one.
I've noticed that over the course of this week, I have been missing home more than I usually do. I also thought about just how different my home life and my college life are. At home, just being with my friends and doing whatever makes me feel content with everything. Here, I feel like if I'm not at a party or downtown, I'm not having fun. But I mean, its whatever. How you see your life is the way that it actually is. No one except yourself can tell you how happy you are.
So yeah. Its whatever. Like I've mentioned before, I think school just brings me down to a crappy level because it kicks my ass so much. Here's to waiting until December 9th.
Alright. I'm going to go put on a movie or something. Byeeeee.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Yes.
I had...an epiphany. It is 2:26am central time, 3:27am now back at home, and 9:27pm in Hawaii. And I am here, with my first epiphany.
I don't know what else to say. Listen to this though:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_kAb4xfpGhw
I don't know what else to say. Listen to this though:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_kAb4xfpGhw
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
The Police High Beam Froze Her Perfect Face
And it hasn't even been that long of a wait. Well, life has gotten significantly better since the last post, after a really long drop. Stay tuned for more!
(Infomercial break)
And....we're back. Alright. So, Friday arrived and went and nothing too bad happened. A small get-together was taken held at a friend's apartment, and a not-too-shabby night was had.
Then came Saturday. If depressing stuff makes you vomit, go back to Facebook now.
It started when Jacob and I we're on our way to the Huddle. We locked the door to our apartment, and walked about 10 feet down when a neighbor 3 doors down (an ok band), who happened to be an above average looking girl, looked at me and said "Hi." Now I don't even know this girl, but I returned with the bitchiest sounding "hi" one has ever heard. After this horrifying exchange, Jacob said that the way I said "Hi" made me sound uninterested....which is weird because I'd like to think that I enjoy meeting new people. Anyway, later on we heard about a fire drill in a dorm when a few of our friends reside. Jacob said I should text them to see if they were alright, but I replied with a friendly "No, because I don't really care."
At this point, Jacob stopped me and said, "It seems like you don't give a fuck about anything anymore. Like last year, you cared about everything and now, you've changed."
At this point I'm freaked out right? I mean, who wouldn't be?
Later on that night, Jordan seemed to hint that he wanted me to talk to Jacob about helping out more around the apartment, and whatever he was trying to say, I pretty much threw it right back at his face, telling him that I didn't want anymore drama in my life than there already was.
Sunday, I felt bad about everything that I had done and about the "fucks" that I didn't give, but my bad mood continued.
Emotional Deterioration.
Then a wise friend called me, and told me about variables. If you know me, you know that I've gotten my nut off talking about this for the past two days, but it really makes sense if you listen. Throughout our lives, everyday, there are variables that add up to the end result that you get at the conclusion of every day. If you are unhappy with you're end result, you change your variables. It sounds simple, but I think that the reason I had become so upset is that last year, I went through a steady routine every week (you don't need to know the details. If it bothers you, ask me). Going into this year, I was excited about the possibility of my routine being different than it was the previous year. Well, it had been a month already, and no change was in sight. But ever since that phone call with my friend, I feel like the power of change is in me, and nothing is going to happen unless I work for the change.
People get up out of bed everyday, and say they're going to change their lives, and they do nothing (with the exception of Dave, he's gonna do something). You know why? Because "hoping" something and "doing" something are two different things (call me crazy). Hoping that she'll facebook chat you will have you staring at the computer screen for hours and hours at night and leave you tired and lonely. Realizing there are many other special people you will interact with in this life, going out into the real world, meeting someone new, falling in love, getting married, starting a family, watching your kids grow, retiring before your 65, watching your grandchildren grow, and sitting back in a chair, taking a big sigh, and saying "You did it, Ev." is DOING something.
Whew. I'm at a loss of breath now. I'm sorry about the whole autobiographical nonsense in the beginning, but I hope you see the connection.
Hoping that my old routine would change going into this year got me, quite possible, the closest to depression that I will hopefully ever be.
Now its time to go do something about it.
(Infomercial break)
And....we're back. Alright. So, Friday arrived and went and nothing too bad happened. A small get-together was taken held at a friend's apartment, and a not-too-shabby night was had.
Then came Saturday. If depressing stuff makes you vomit, go back to Facebook now.
It started when Jacob and I we're on our way to the Huddle. We locked the door to our apartment, and walked about 10 feet down when a neighbor 3 doors down (an ok band), who happened to be an above average looking girl, looked at me and said "Hi." Now I don't even know this girl, but I returned with the bitchiest sounding "hi" one has ever heard. After this horrifying exchange, Jacob said that the way I said "Hi" made me sound uninterested....which is weird because I'd like to think that I enjoy meeting new people. Anyway, later on we heard about a fire drill in a dorm when a few of our friends reside. Jacob said I should text them to see if they were alright, but I replied with a friendly "No, because I don't really care."
At this point, Jacob stopped me and said, "It seems like you don't give a fuck about anything anymore. Like last year, you cared about everything and now, you've changed."
At this point I'm freaked out right? I mean, who wouldn't be?
Later on that night, Jordan seemed to hint that he wanted me to talk to Jacob about helping out more around the apartment, and whatever he was trying to say, I pretty much threw it right back at his face, telling him that I didn't want anymore drama in my life than there already was.
Sunday, I felt bad about everything that I had done and about the "fucks" that I didn't give, but my bad mood continued.
Emotional Deterioration.
Then a wise friend called me, and told me about variables. If you know me, you know that I've gotten my nut off talking about this for the past two days, but it really makes sense if you listen. Throughout our lives, everyday, there are variables that add up to the end result that you get at the conclusion of every day. If you are unhappy with you're end result, you change your variables. It sounds simple, but I think that the reason I had become so upset is that last year, I went through a steady routine every week (you don't need to know the details. If it bothers you, ask me). Going into this year, I was excited about the possibility of my routine being different than it was the previous year. Well, it had been a month already, and no change was in sight. But ever since that phone call with my friend, I feel like the power of change is in me, and nothing is going to happen unless I work for the change.
People get up out of bed everyday, and say they're going to change their lives, and they do nothing (with the exception of Dave, he's gonna do something). You know why? Because "hoping" something and "doing" something are two different things (call me crazy). Hoping that she'll facebook chat you will have you staring at the computer screen for hours and hours at night and leave you tired and lonely. Realizing there are many other special people you will interact with in this life, going out into the real world, meeting someone new, falling in love, getting married, starting a family, watching your kids grow, retiring before your 65, watching your grandchildren grow, and sitting back in a chair, taking a big sigh, and saying "You did it, Ev." is DOING something.
Whew. I'm at a loss of breath now. I'm sorry about the whole autobiographical nonsense in the beginning, but I hope you see the connection.
Hoping that my old routine would change going into this year got me, quite possible, the closest to depression that I will hopefully ever be.
Now its time to go do something about it.
Friday, September 17, 2010
I Just Haven't Met You...Yet.
Ok. So I lied about being back shortly, and all of those philisophical thoughts from 2 weekends ago pretty much left me. But I am sitting in the laundry room of the apartments, after making the intelligent decision to not go downtown tonight. If it matters to anyone, I had been flat broke before my relatives gave me some change (more like 35 bucks) to spend. And luckily, I haven't spent that all week long. I think I'm starting to form into the super saver that I'll have to be throughout most of my 20's. Check that off of "Thing's Evan needs to learn in order to grow the eff up" list.
Other than that, I haven't really grown up since the last post. I learned in psych class that a certain vital part of the human brain doesn't form completely until we're 25. With my luck, I'm pretty sure everything is going to hit me all at once.
So the weekend before last I mentioned that I had a few drunk dials with some good friends. The first was a friend who I shall refer to as William. But William and I actually had another pretty good talk (sober, sadly) a couple nights ago, so I shall save him for later.
The first talk was with a friend who I shall name Frederick. Frederick is in the beginnings of a good and hearty relationship with someone who likes him a lot more than the other way around. Don't get me wrong, but it just seems like that from the outside. But there was a time before where he was sure that he thought he would go unmarried and all of that other unhappy stuff. I think our call was pretty much me telling him to be thankful that there's someone out there that is always thinking about him, just as he's always thinking about her. Because I think that's what every person needs. Someone that you know is wondering where you are, what you're doing, what you're thinking...no matter if you're right next to them, or on the other side of the country. And while that person is doing all of that, you assure yourself that there is no plausible way that they're wondering more about you than you are of them. That's what people need. That is happiness. Or a form of it.
I'm still working on it.
Speaking of that (kind of), I got a question on my formspring about who I like. I realized that lately has been the first time in many a year that I haven't been completely infatuated with just one person. It has been somewhat of a release for me to focus on other things, but from what I got when I was talking to William the other day, "single" is starting to look more and more like "alone" on paper. Everyday.
Which brings me to William. Last year, William went into his first (serious) relationship of his entire life, until the *cough*whore*cough threw it away after 6 months of what was the story of two very happy people, at least that's how it looked from my point of view (meaning they were both happy, but she turned into a hoe (fo sho)). Anyways, William went through a tough 4 months of recovery which is still on going to this day. The other day, we were just making each other laugh until I had a weird feeling and just asked him if he was content with how his life has been thus far (Don't be creeped out by me, this is probably the first and almost last time I will ever ask someone that). I'm not going to repeat really anything else that was said, but we had quite the conversation about our lives, maybe the first time I've ever really been entirely open to him in our friendship.
I feel like he and I are on the same boat...two sailors...lost at sea...waiting..just waiting...to at least get a glimpse of the shore.
However, he is doing this with the pain of already reaching the shore, but being thrown back out. I've never felt that, but after how many talks I've been through about it, I can tell you it sucks...it really does.
I feel like there are all of these things and feelings that are involved with relationships that I have never felt, but I can tell you what they feel like, just because I have talks about it so much. Like being a robot. Just talking...yet feeling nothing.
I am a robot.
I feel like this is a good "coming" out blog. No, I am not gay. But while I was talking to my mother about things changing next semester, we discussed my car. The good news, I am probably going to bring the Amigo down here in January. The bad news, the Amigo won't be going back, and I can't have a job at home and not have a car. So the probability of me living in Austin this summer just increased dramatically. But I would still have to find a job and a living space. So yeah. I am a complete wimp for not telling certain people this straight up, but I feel like if I can't tell somebody something in person, I'll refuse to tell them until I do see them. Obviously a huge congressional hearing of friends and family will occur during Christmas break concerning the matter, but I figure I'd continue the trend of me saying things that don't matter to people.
I would like to skype more often. Texting and facebook is great, but seeing a face is so much better. To me.
I'd love to update you on what I did last week or what I'm doing this weekend, but frankly, even I am losing care in the matter.
I just hope there is some beauty in this breakdown.
Other than that, I haven't really grown up since the last post. I learned in psych class that a certain vital part of the human brain doesn't form completely until we're 25. With my luck, I'm pretty sure everything is going to hit me all at once.
So the weekend before last I mentioned that I had a few drunk dials with some good friends. The first was a friend who I shall refer to as William. But William and I actually had another pretty good talk (sober, sadly) a couple nights ago, so I shall save him for later.
The first talk was with a friend who I shall name Frederick. Frederick is in the beginnings of a good and hearty relationship with someone who likes him a lot more than the other way around. Don't get me wrong, but it just seems like that from the outside. But there was a time before where he was sure that he thought he would go unmarried and all of that other unhappy stuff. I think our call was pretty much me telling him to be thankful that there's someone out there that is always thinking about him, just as he's always thinking about her. Because I think that's what every person needs. Someone that you know is wondering where you are, what you're doing, what you're thinking...no matter if you're right next to them, or on the other side of the country. And while that person is doing all of that, you assure yourself that there is no plausible way that they're wondering more about you than you are of them. That's what people need. That is happiness. Or a form of it.
I'm still working on it.
Speaking of that (kind of), I got a question on my formspring about who I like. I realized that lately has been the first time in many a year that I haven't been completely infatuated with just one person. It has been somewhat of a release for me to focus on other things, but from what I got when I was talking to William the other day, "single" is starting to look more and more like "alone" on paper. Everyday.
Which brings me to William. Last year, William went into his first (serious) relationship of his entire life, until the *cough*whore*cough threw it away after 6 months of what was the story of two very happy people, at least that's how it looked from my point of view (meaning they were both happy, but she turned into a hoe (fo sho)). Anyways, William went through a tough 4 months of recovery which is still on going to this day. The other day, we were just making each other laugh until I had a weird feeling and just asked him if he was content with how his life has been thus far (Don't be creeped out by me, this is probably the first and almost last time I will ever ask someone that). I'm not going to repeat really anything else that was said, but we had quite the conversation about our lives, maybe the first time I've ever really been entirely open to him in our friendship.
I feel like he and I are on the same boat...two sailors...lost at sea...waiting..just waiting...to at least get a glimpse of the shore.
However, he is doing this with the pain of already reaching the shore, but being thrown back out. I've never felt that, but after how many talks I've been through about it, I can tell you it sucks...it really does.
I feel like there are all of these things and feelings that are involved with relationships that I have never felt, but I can tell you what they feel like, just because I have talks about it so much. Like being a robot. Just talking...yet feeling nothing.
I am a robot.
I feel like this is a good "coming" out blog. No, I am not gay. But while I was talking to my mother about things changing next semester, we discussed my car. The good news, I am probably going to bring the Amigo down here in January. The bad news, the Amigo won't be going back, and I can't have a job at home and not have a car. So the probability of me living in Austin this summer just increased dramatically. But I would still have to find a job and a living space. So yeah. I am a complete wimp for not telling certain people this straight up, but I feel like if I can't tell somebody something in person, I'll refuse to tell them until I do see them. Obviously a huge congressional hearing of friends and family will occur during Christmas break concerning the matter, but I figure I'd continue the trend of me saying things that don't matter to people.
I would like to skype more often. Texting and facebook is great, but seeing a face is so much better. To me.
I'd love to update you on what I did last week or what I'm doing this weekend, but frankly, even I am losing care in the matter.
I just hope there is some beauty in this breakdown.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Tell Mommy I'm Sorry, This Life is a Party.
Life is a party. That's what I learned this weekend.
From Thursday to Saturday, it was a straight rave for me. The weekends are really the only thing that is keeping me alive at the moment, and the fact that they're freaking AWESOME is just gravy.
I just got back from taking my first exam of sophomore year. Let's just say if that exam was a girl, I broke its hip.
Next weekend will be awesome too. Lets see, we have a rave on Friday, I'm going to the UT game on Saturday, NFL opening day party on Sunday, make it stop!
After drunk dialing a couple of good friends over the weekend, I came up with some real philisophical thoughts and shit, but I'm going to wait for the next post to write them all down. Right now, I'm a busy man.
Sorry it was so short (that's what he said, in two different contexts), but until next time......
From Thursday to Saturday, it was a straight rave for me. The weekends are really the only thing that is keeping me alive at the moment, and the fact that they're freaking AWESOME is just gravy.
I just got back from taking my first exam of sophomore year. Let's just say if that exam was a girl, I broke its hip.
Next weekend will be awesome too. Lets see, we have a rave on Friday, I'm going to the UT game on Saturday, NFL opening day party on Sunday, make it stop!
After drunk dialing a couple of good friends over the weekend, I came up with some real philisophical thoughts and shit, but I'm going to wait for the next post to write them all down. Right now, I'm a busy man.
Sorry it was so short (that's what he said, in two different contexts), but until next time......
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